Monday’s Rundays: Three disgusting ways running has changed my body

I know what you’re thinking: running is supposed to improve your physical health. And all in all it has. I’m probably fitter now than I’ve ever been. Regular Crossfit sessions seem to be keeping my steadily rising weekly mileage (see this week’s schedule below) from injuring me and the thinking time running affords is invaluable.

Three disgusting ways running has changed my body 2

But I haven’t been completely unscathed by all those miles. So, here are…

Three disgusting ways running has changed my body

Three disgusting ways running has changed my body

Fungal feet

Warm, wet and stinky; at the end of a long run my socks are a bacterial Valhalla. No wonder I have a fungal nail infection. It’s now spread to three of my nails and the doctor has prescribed me amorolfine, a lacquer I’m supposed to apply twice a week after filing down the disgusting, thickened nails in question. I keep forgetting, so progress is slow.

“Warm, wet and stinky; at the end of a long run my socks are a bacterial Valhalla…”

But, weirdly, I might not need it, because the very thing that helped make my feet so attractive to the fungus in the first place (the running), might help get rid of it. Thanks to all the miles, I’m on the verge of losing my second toenail in as many months. This one is infected. If I lose the nail, will I lose the infection?

Bleeding nipples

I always suspected the motives of those runners who slather their nipples up with Vaseline or cover them with Elastoplast were a bit kinky. Until my nipples started bleeding on a long run not so long ago. It was excruciating. It felt like someone had flicked cigarette embers down my top.

“It was excruciating. It felt like someone had flicked cigarette embers down my top…”

I’d been running into a cold headwind in an old running top for about an hour when they started burning. By the time I got home they were on blazing and bloodied. Thankfully, it hasn’t happened again (I chucked the old top away; I suspect this played a part in all this) but I have packed some Elastoplast in my kit just in case.

An enlarged tear duct

Anyone who runs a lot will be accustomed to the snot rocket: the short, sharp evacuation of a nostril by quickly blowing through it with all other airways blocked. A well aimed snot rocket is a satisfying thing. But it can go wrong. Not so long ago I had a snot rocket misfire and shoot out of my eye.

“The realisation that it was snot that had shot out of my tear duct and onto the lens of my sunnies was horrifying…”

The realisation that it was snot that had shot out of my tear duct and onto the lens of my sunnies was as horrifying as it was disgusting. I had a particularly heavy cold and was more bunged up than I realised. Rather than exiting through the nose as I’d intended, the path of least resistance was through my eye. Now, if I hold my nose and blow, I can feel the air exiting through my right eye. Yuck.

Sorry… I did warn you that this was disgusting. Do you have any running horror stories? Please share!

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