Five rants of a running widow (AKA my Mrs)

The Mrs (that’s not her in the picture) says she’s feeling like a running widow. That’s despite my best efforts to minimise the impact this obsession with running very slowly for very long distances takes on family life. She’s mostly joking (I think).

She supports me (I think) in this daft idea I have of running the entire 186-mile Pembrokeshire Coast Path in three days and 100 miles around Snowdonia in a day this year, before taking on the Marathon des Sables in Morocco in 2019, in aid of three diabetes charities (why not donate here?).

But there are plenty of things that send her howling dog mental about my running. So I’ve picked five of her biggest pet peeves. So if you’re married and obsessed with running like me, it might be best to avoid the following…

Five rants of a running widow (AKA my Mrs)

Five rants of a running widow (AKA my Mrs)

“Where has all my moisturiser gone?”

You don’t want to know where it’s gone. See, sometimes all the running causes unfortunate rashes in even more unfortunate places. I once made the mistake of administering very cheap after shave balm on the affected area. My screams have only just stopped echoing around Brighton & Hove. So now I’m an Olay man through and through. Said delicate area is chaff free and showing not one of the seven signs of ageing.

“The sink is filled with ‘colosotomy bags’ again!”

Not really. I’m not quite at that stage of life yet. But the reservoirs I use to store water in for my longer runs do look a bit like that (see above), especially when they’re filled with that rather iffy looking brownish orange liquid (relax, it’s Lucozade Sport). Thing is, where else am I going to put them?

“Do you have to do that just before my bath?”

I really do. But I wish I didn’t. It’s rather embarrassing, but sometimes running does terrible things to my insides (don’t even mention that incident with the plums), meaning occasionally the first thing I have to do when I get back from a run is dive into the bathroom. And not for a bath. Thing is, this sometimes coincides with the time in the evening the Mrs is preparing for a well earned soak in the tub. At least it hasn’t happened while she’s been in the bath. Who says romance is dead, eh?

“There is mud everywhere!”

We live in a fourth floor flat next door to a right old curmudgeon. Leaving trainers (muddy or otherwise) either outside the building or the flat is OUT OF THE QUESTION, and in violation of our tenancy agreement, apparently. So after wet, muddy runs I tiptoe into the flat and dump my crap caked trainers and socks into the bath and jump in with them, in a bid to stop it all spreading. It never works though.

“STOP leaving that thing lying around the flat – it looks like a vibrator”

She’s referring to my Power Breathe Fitness Plus (the gizmo I’m using three times a week in the hope it will help me run up hills quicker – see this video here). Of course I have no idea what she means. But she swears our cleaner was quite taken a back when she spied it on the window sill the other day.

Is your partner, or indeed yourself, a running widow or widower? If so, what are their/your common running rants? Do share!

While I’ve got you here: I am doing all this (running increasingly long distances until I make it to the Marathon des Sables) to help three charities cure type one diabetes and help those with the condition live longer, healthier, more extraordinary lives. Why not donate? Please visit: http://www.justgiving.com/teams/diabeticdadruns

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